The ol’ Cat Facts Prank

We apologize we haven’t blogged in FUREVER. Mom hasn’t been allowing us on the computer much lately.

We have lots to say, because a lot has gone on in a month–mainly being dressed up in

William Howard Cat!

ridiculous holiday costumes, like George Washingcat and Bruce Quincy Adams for President’s Day. Dr. Love had to wear a stupid looking heart hat for Valentine’s Day.  Mom was going to dress up Dr. Love  for Susan B. Anthony’s birthday (on the 15th), but she couldn’t find the right outfit that screamed, “I’m oppressed! Where’s the noms?” And thank goodness there was no Groundhog’s Day photoshoot with Mom wearing a construction paper top hat and holding Bruce and trying to figure out if he saw his shadow or not.We helped Mom do something silly today, because that’s how we roll on Caturdays. Did you ever hear of the Cat Facts prank? What you do is you text a human some facts about cats. We are not sure why that’s so funny, but we rolled with it. Eventually, the person gets really hissed off and curses and their life is ruined.

We did the prank on our Grandpaw Jimbo (Mom’s Dad). He’s smells like peanut butter and coffee. We’re allergic to him–every time he comes in the house, we throw up. He claims to be allergic to us, too, but we have yet to see him throw up on the floor and eat the half-digested noms. It’s for these allergy “claims” that we decided he’d be a fun target.

Mom used our email address, because you can text from gmail accounts, and we were assigned a “phone number.” A message was sent every hour, starting around 1 pm. This is how it went:

Cat Facts: Thanks for signing up for Cat Facts! You now will receive fun daily facts about CATS! >o<

Cat Facts: Cats use their tails for balance and have nearly 30 individual bones in them! <To cancel Daily Cat Facts, reply ‘cancel’>

Cat Facts: In ancient Egypt, killing a cat was a crime punishable by death.  Thank you for choosing Cat Facts!

Cat Facts:  Did you know that the first cat show was held in 1871 at the Crystal Palace in London?  Mee-wow!

Cat Facts:  Did you know there are about 100 distinct breeds of domestic cat?  Plenty of furry love!

Cat Facts: Cats bury their feces to cover their trails from predators.  <To cancel Cat Facts, reply catfactscancel>

Cat Facts:  A cat has two vocal chords, and can make over 100 sounds.

Grandpaw:  y r u killing me with cat thing

Cat Facts:  <Command not recognized> To unsubscribe, please reply ‘catfactscancel’

Cat Facts:  A cat will spend nearly 30% of her life grooming herself. <To cancel Cat Facts, reply catfactscancel>

Cat Facts:  Recent studies have shown that cats can see blue and green. There is disagreement as to whether they can see red.

Grandpaw:  get me off thi stupid thing

Cat Facts:  Command not recognized.  Please let us know you are human by completing the following sentence: Your favorite animal is the _______.

Poor Grandpaw Jimbo! He has bad eyesight and white hair and is a really bad texter. By this time, he texted our mom and said, “What did you do to me? Get it off now!” She played dumb (she’s kind of good at that) and asked what was going on. Grandpaw called and told her what was happening. She said that her brother was getting the same messages earlier and was able to unsubscribe by texting CANCEL back to the number. Because we were doing this from our Gmail account, it said Dr. Love and Bruce on the bottom of the text, which is why he tracked it to us. Mom reasoned that our email must have been hacked. Grandpaw said he’d try it if he got another message.

Cat Facts:  A domestic cat can sprint at about 31 miles per hour. <To cancel Cat Facts, reply catfactscancel>

Grandpaw:  take me off your list

Cat Facts:  Command not recognized. <To cancel Cat Facts, reply catfactscancel >

Grandpaw:  catfackcancel

Cat Facts:  Do you wish to unsubscribe from Cat Facts? If so, please reply YES.

Grandpaw:  yes

Cat Facts:  Command not recognized. You will continue to receive Cat Facts — The World’s Most Purrrrfect Informational Text Subscription!

Mom realized that Grandpaw was getting hissed off at this point, so the following was sent.

Cat Facts:  You are now unsubscribed from Cat Facts. If you wish to subscribe again, please reply to this message.

Grandpaw decided to text Mom after this happened.

Grandpaw to Mom: Ok I got off what a pain
Mom to Grandpaw: Oh good! Did you just have to text back cancel or something?
Grandpaw: yeah I had 2 it 2 time

30 minutes later, Mom realized that to end it so easily wasn’t that funny. So we decided to continue.

Cat Facts: Welcome back! You have been resubscribed to Cat Facts at a rate of one fact a day.

Grandpaw: catfackscancel

Grandpaw: catfacks cancel

Cat Facts: <Command not recognized.> You will receive your daily free Cat Fact starting tomorrow. Thank you for subscribing to Cat Facts!

Grandpaw: cat facks cancel

Cat Facts: Do you wish to unsubscribe to Cat Facts? If so, please reply YES.

Grandpaw: yes

Cat Facts: <Command not recognized.> Please call [Mom’s phone number] to unsubscribe to Cat Facts. Please have your credit card handy.

We figured Grandpaw would realize it was at minimum a local number (and specifically our mom’s number). However, Grandpaw Jimbo is a few noms short of a bowl. We waited a few minutes, and nothing. That’s when Mom decided to call Grandpaw using Google Voice, so it would initially trick him. She figured that he would realize it was her once she spoke, even if she disguised her voice. However, besides having poor eyesight, Grandpaw also has hearing problems.

Cat Facts Phone Call/Mom in goofy customer service rep voice:  Hello, is this Mr. __________? This is Cat Facts — The World’s Most Purrrrfect Informational Text Subscription. We are calling because we received notification that you wish to stop your daily subscription to Cat Facts.

Grandpaw Phone Call: [interrupting] That’s right! I don’t know what this is, I didn’t sign up for it…

Mom started LAUGHING. She laughed for almost a minute! But Grandpaw didn’t laugh at all. In fact, he didn’t say ANYTHING! When Mom was able to contain herself and talk to him, he sounded pretty hissed off. She said it was worth it, even if she gets written out of the will now. For how much she laughed, we think it was worth it, too!

But here’s what we don’t understand–Why would anybody want to unsubscribe to Cat Facts? We think Cat Facts is much more useful than that love forecast or horoscope or sports scores or tornado warning junk.

You want a real Cat Facts fact? A person who loves a cat is called an ailurophile. Generally, ailurophiles are kind of weird and submissive. What ailurophiles lack in human friends, though, they make up in cat fur. That is today’s Bruce and Dr. Love’s Cat Fact!

It’s time for us to take a nap. As you can see, it was a very exhausting day for us.

-DL & B

[edit: We wanted to add a picture of us and our grandpaw. Here we are.]

This is us and Grandpaw Jimbo. We love humans. He really loves cats (even though he says he doesn’t).

Ask Dr. Love and Bruce – New Kitten in the House

Guess what? We are going to give kitties (and humans) advice! It’s like being in furapy, except free. So if you have a question, please ask! Today’s question is from Treasie, who is having a problem with a new kitten in the house.

-DL&B

“Treasie here with an update on my dilemma!!!! Marble and I are not friends or buddies but I tolerate her for my mommies. She had the nerve to disturb my sleep at 3am to chase me out of my corner of the bed i have slept in since i was a kitten by my mommie and sleep there when she was by our young adult mommie REALLY? so i had this prob Sunday and mommie is not very nice with either of us, yeesh she brought the nuisance in so it is fair i throw a temper tantrum, Right? Loves and purrs”

Doc’s response:

Dear Treasie–

I’d be hissed off, too, if our mommy brought a kitten to the house! Our kitty cousins lived with us for a bit, and it was pretty awful. Our one cousin peed all over the place, and that made our mom (and me and Bruce) realllllly mad! I hissed and growled at my cousins a lot.

Bruce and I are from the same litter, and sometimes we don’t get along. Actually, we often don’t get along. Bruce is a big noodlebrain who hogs the blankets on the bed and lub lubs from our mom. But I’ve learned to just deal with him. When he came back from his wingding operation, he smelled really funny, and I was mad at him for it. I hissed at him a lot, but eventually I was okay with him being around again.

I think you’ll eventually get used to Marble. We’ve never tried it, but some humans say that feliway can make cats calmer, either with a diffuser or spray. My mom gave me some anti-anxiety drops she got from amazon when my cousins were around, and they chilled me out. Do you each have your own blankies and boxes? Bruce and I hang out in different spots in the house–I like the cat tree, Bruce likes the couch. Kittens are really active, too, but she’ll eventually quiet and calm down. You were probably a crazy kitty when you were young, too. We all were! I think if it helps you, you should throw a tantrum, but then move on from it. My mom says that hate is baggage. But then again, I really like to nap on her baggage and suitcase. So maybe you should bite Marble’s face, but try not to make her bleed.

Hope this helps,
Dr. Love

Bruce’s response:

Eat noms. Then pee on everything so that kitten knows who’s the boss!
-Bruce

Keep calm and wrestle on.

Frowup Fursday / Throwback Thursday — Lub Lubs and “The Yellow Shirt”

Sucking my ma’s ear

Hi everyone. It’s me, Bruce. Doc is snoozing on Ma’s bed, so while she is doing that, I get some computer time.

On today’s edition of Frowup Fursday / Throwback Thursday, I will share some adorable pictures of one of the best gingers to ever grace the planet–even better than Mrs. Weasley, Mom says!

I will admit–I still sometimes like to suck my mom’s ear. It’s NOT babyish, like Doc tells me. Lub lubs make me feel good and warm and cozy, especially when I cuddle in her underarm hair. And my mom’s ear tastes good, sort of like human flesh flavored noms. I’ve graduated mainly to licking my mom’s cheek, though. Preferably her left one (despite what the pic says, her left side is much tastier). Then I knead her neck and face with my little claws. And I only suckle in the morning. And only in bed. She thinks it’s adorable. The picture on the left is from June 2010. I was just a baby kitten (about seven weeks old, maybe) and this was the second or third day I was with my mom.

Now, I wish to show you a not too much throwback photo of me from February 2012. Besides the handsome hunk of ginger fluff who has turned into a robust man cat, what else do you see?

My mom loves me!

Well, my mom’s cheek is abnormally reddish pink, because I was licking her face. Apparently, sand paper tongue + dry winter skin = flaky and irritated human skin. And she’s wearing glasses instead of contacts. But what else do you notice? I mean, besides me giving her kissies in the first pic, and her kissing me in the second pic? And that both pics are selfies because Mom doesn’t have any friends (well, she has like, three friends, and two of them are cats).

Doc unwrapping presents at our first barfday party.

Okay, last pic I included which is of Dr. Stinky, so she won’t complain how she’s not included. This picture was from our first barfday party in May 2011. It was a luau party and we had good noms and cake and presents and a barfday card that meowed! It was the best barfday party ever, besides our second barfday party (which was a Kentucky Derby themed party).

Do you see what I’m trying to get to yet?

Mom is wearing the same shirt! It’s a yellow shirt from the high school she graduated from (in 2002!). It’s has a basketball on the front and the back says, “The Sixth Man.” I’m not sure where the first five went. And I know for a fact that my mom is a girl! And even though I wasn’t alive in 2002, I’m pretty sure my mom is too short to play basketball. And we definitely know that she doesn’t watch basketball.

Despite what you may think, I just want everyone to know that my mom does own more shirts than this yellow shirt–she just wears this one excessively. It’s her ‘work’ shirt, but not the kind of work shirt that she wears to work, but the kind of work shirt one wears to pretend to work around the kitchen, but instead watches tv on the couch. I think she likes to wear it so often because it accompanies my orange fur quite well. And here’s the funny thing–there are a few other pictures of her on her Peoplebook of her wearing the shirt, too. Since it’s gotten colder, I don’t see her in a short sleeve short too often, but I have reason to suspect she wears it under her hoodie.

Please let me know if you’d like to donate to the “Buy Mom Another Shirt” fund, either with a monetary gift or a t-shirt gift. You can also donate noms to the “Brucie Nom Nom Fund” is so desired.

Time to get settled down for bedtime. Night everyone!

-B

Peeing

Last night, for the first time, I peed in the upstairs (aka Bruce’s) litter box. I sniffed around in the litter, found a good spot, then BOOM!

I watered the flowers.
I painted the town yellow.
I listened to Urethra.
I drained the vein.
I made the bladder gladder.
I was a potty animal.
I floated down the Yellow River.

Good times, Good pee!

-DL

A Day in the Life of Dr. Love

Hi everyone! *waves* It’s me, Dr. Love. Bruce is busy being a noodle brain somewhere, so I decided that I would blog myself today.

Our mom is off work today. It’s a holiday. I think real holidays include good, fancy noms and cat toys. But it means another day with my mom, so I’ll take it. She said that today commemorates some guy named Martin Luther King, Jr., who helped a lot of people become equal with other people. But here’s where it gets weird–those people weren’t equal because of the color of their skin. THEIR SKIN! Us cats don’t judge other cats by the color of their fur. That’s pretty silly! It would be like saying Bruce is a poop brain just because he’s a ginger. Okay, that’s a bad example, because he really is a poop brain. What I’m trying to say is Bruce is orange and I’m grey-calico, but who the meow cares? She also told us that Dr. King made a speech called “I Have a Dream”, which I will later reenact by taking a nap and dreaming that I am in a big tub of tuna.

I suppose people wonder what I do during a day. Well, today is a bit different because my mom is home from work and it’s a holiday, but I’m pretty busy on a work day. My mom usually gets up a few minutes before me, and as she wakes up, I climb up to her chest and demand lub lubs (that’s when Mom gives me loving). She scratches my ears for a few minutes, then she goes pee. And that’s when the real work starts! I run into the bathroom with her and knock down various items on the sink, so she knows where they are. Then I am the official water tester as my mom turns on the sink and I test viscosity, water temperature, speed, gravity, etc. (I am a doctor, after all). At this point, Bruce pops in the bathroom to use the litter box, but I chase him out–he doesn’t know us girls require lots of girl time in the bathroom.

Official water tester!

At this point, my mom takes off her clothes *paws over eyes* and takes a shower. Sometimes I hang out on the edge of the tub to supervise that she washes behind her ears. She gets out of the shower and dries off and gets dressed. This is a very exhausting process–it takes her about seven hours to decide what she wants to wear, and she usually changes her mind after that, too. I always recommend the black pants with cat fur!

So you think this would be the end of us getting ready, right? No! Now she has to fix her hair. Her attempts at this aren’t very good, to be honest with you. She dries her hair (why she just doesn’t lick it dry, I have no clue) then brushes it. I like when she brushes her hair, because she brushes the fur on top of my head, too. With HER brush! Then we come downstairs where Bruce is already eating

breakfast. When Mom puts on her shoes, I grab a quick bite. If we need a refill of noms, she does that at this time and I test them to make sure they are okay. Quality assurance, you know. Then she grabs some lunch from the fridge. When Bruce hears the fridge door, he comes running and meows at Mom to get us treats. Bruce’s meow is very loud and obnoxious, so to shut him up Mom gives BOTH of us Temptations. Score! Mom opens the back door to run to her car (at this point, she’s already late for work). I sneak out and roll around on the back porch. Mom yells at me (that’s always funny!) and tries to chase me back in, but I won’t budge. She picks me up and then gets cat fur AND dirt on her black pants!

When she leaves is when the good stuff happens. I grab some more breakfast and then take my mid-morning nap. Then I work up my appetite by playing on our cat tree–LUNCH TIME! Alright! I climb back up the cat tree and nap on the top perch. Then I jump down and take a nap on my mom’s bed. I toss in some bird watching, too. And I like to play with my foil crinkle ball! See how this is an exhausting day? At 5:12 pm my mom comes home and I wait for her in the kitchen. When she comes in the house,

I’ve enjoyed cooking since I was a kitten–Official crock pot tester!

she must drop everything in her hands to pick me up, toss her over her shoulder, and say, “Dr. Rubs! Dr. Rubs!”  I am usually purring at this point. Cuddles with Mom then dinner time–I usually sit on a chair to supervise her in the kitchen to make sure she does a good job (she does). After Mom eats dinner, we are back on the couch and cuddling and we go on Catbook together (she likes to supervise my internet usage. Moms!). Then it’s time for bed (I let Bruce sit in proximity to me on the bed) and we sleep and then the cycle repeats itself.

So to all those humans who think we aren’t busy during the day–Lies! All lies! Cats lead a very complicated life in the sense that they are so much more simple than humans. I’m quite knackered just from writing this.

Hope everyone is having a great day with having dreams, nomming, napping, and licking your butt (if you’re into that kind of thing).

-DL