We apologize we haven’t blogged in FUREVER. Mom hasn’t been allowing us on the computer much lately.
We have lots to say, because a lot has gone on in a month–mainly being dressed up in
ridiculous holiday costumes, like George Washingcat and Bruce Quincy Adams for President’s Day. Dr. Love had to wear a stupid looking heart hat for Valentine’s Day. Mom was going to dress up Dr. Love for Susan B. Anthony’s birthday (on the 15th), but she couldn’t find the right outfit that screamed, “I’m oppressed! Where’s the noms?” And thank goodness there was no Groundhog’s Day photoshoot with Mom wearing a construction paper top hat and holding Bruce and trying to figure out if he saw his shadow or not.We helped Mom do something silly today, because that’s how we roll on Caturdays. Did you ever hear of the Cat Facts prank? What you do is you text a human some facts about cats. We are not sure why that’s so funny, but we rolled with it. Eventually, the person gets really hissed off and curses and their life is ruined.
We did the prank on our Grandpaw Jimbo (Mom’s Dad). He’s smells like peanut butter and coffee. We’re allergic to him–every time he comes in the house, we throw up. He claims to be allergic to us, too, but we have yet to see him throw up on the floor and eat the half-digested noms. It’s for these allergy “claims” that we decided he’d be a fun target.
Mom used our email address, because you can text from gmail accounts, and we were assigned a “phone number.” A message was sent every hour, starting around 1 pm. This is how it went:
Cat Facts: Thanks for signing up for Cat Facts! You now will receive fun daily facts about CATS! >o<
Cat Facts: Cats use their tails for balance and have nearly 30 individual bones in them! <To cancel Daily Cat Facts, reply ‘cancel’>
Cat Facts: In ancient Egypt, killing a cat was a crime punishable by death. Thank you for choosing Cat Facts!
Cat Facts: Did you know that the first cat show was held in 1871 at the Crystal Palace in London? Mee-wow!
Cat Facts: Did you know there are about 100 distinct breeds of domestic cat? Plenty of furry love!
Cat Facts: Cats bury their feces to cover their trails from predators. <To cancel Cat Facts, reply catfactscancel>
Cat Facts: A cat has two vocal chords, and can make over 100 sounds.
Grandpaw: y r u killing me with cat thing
Cat Facts: <Command not recognized> To unsubscribe, please reply ‘catfactscancel’
Cat Facts: A cat will spend nearly 30% of her life grooming herself. <To cancel Cat Facts, reply catfactscancel>
Cat Facts: Recent studies have shown that cats can see blue and green. There is disagreement as to whether they can see red.
Grandpaw: get me off thi stupid thing
Cat Facts: Command not recognized. Please let us know you are human by completing the following sentence: Your favorite animal is the _______.
Poor Grandpaw Jimbo! He has bad eyesight and white hair and is a really bad texter. By this time, he texted our mom and said, “What did you do to me? Get it off now!” She played dumb (she’s kind of good at that) and asked what was going on. Grandpaw called and told her what was happening. She said that her brother was getting the same messages earlier and was able to unsubscribe by texting CANCEL back to the number. Because we were doing this from our Gmail account, it said Dr. Love and Bruce on the bottom of the text, which is why he tracked it to us. Mom reasoned that our email must have been hacked. Grandpaw said he’d try it if he got another message.
Cat Facts: A domestic cat can sprint at about 31 miles per hour. <To cancel Cat Facts, reply catfactscancel>
Grandpaw: take me off your list
Cat Facts: Command not recognized. <To cancel Cat Facts, reply catfactscancel >
Cat Facts: Do you wish to unsubscribe from Cat Facts? If so, please reply YES.
Cat Facts: Command not recognized. You will continue to receive Cat Facts — The World’s Most Purrrrfect Informational Text Subscription!
Mom realized that Grandpaw was getting hissed off at this point, so the following was sent.
Cat Facts: You are now unsubscribed from Cat Facts. If you wish to subscribe again, please reply to this message.
Grandpaw decided to text Mom after this happened.
Grandpaw to Mom: Ok I got off what a pain
Mom to Grandpaw: Oh good! Did you just have to text back cancel or something?
Grandpaw: yeah I had 2 it 2 time
30 minutes later, Mom realized that to end it so easily wasn’t that funny. So we decided to continue.
Cat Facts: Welcome back! You have been resubscribed to Cat Facts at a rate of one fact a day.
Grandpaw: catfacks cancel
Cat Facts: <Command not recognized.> You will receive your daily free Cat Fact starting tomorrow. Thank you for subscribing to Cat Facts!
Grandpaw: cat facks cancel
Cat Facts: Do you wish to unsubscribe to Cat Facts? If so, please reply YES.
Cat Facts: <Command not recognized.> Please call [Mom’s phone number] to unsubscribe to Cat Facts. Please have your credit card handy.
We figured Grandpaw would realize it was at minimum a local number (and specifically our mom’s number). However, Grandpaw Jimbo is a few noms short of a bowl. We waited a few minutes, and nothing. That’s when Mom decided to call Grandpaw using Google Voice, so it would initially trick him. She figured that he would realize it was her once she spoke, even if she disguised her voice. However, besides having poor eyesight, Grandpaw also has hearing problems.
Cat Facts Phone Call/Mom in goofy customer service rep voice: Hello, is this Mr. __________? This is Cat Facts — The World’s Most Purrrrfect Informational Text Subscription. We are calling because we received notification that you wish to stop your daily subscription to Cat Facts.
Grandpaw Phone Call: [interrupting] That’s right! I don’t know what this is, I didn’t sign up for it…
Mom started LAUGHING. She laughed for almost a minute! But Grandpaw didn’t laugh at all. In fact, he didn’t say ANYTHING! When Mom was able to contain herself and talk to him, he sounded pretty hissed off. She said it was worth it, even if she gets written out of the will now. For how much she laughed, we think it was worth it, too!
But here’s what we don’t understand–Why would anybody want to unsubscribe to Cat Facts? We think Cat Facts is much more useful than that love forecast or horoscope or sports scores or tornado warning junk.
You want a real Cat Facts fact? A person who loves a cat is called an ailurophile. Generally, ailurophiles are kind of weird and submissive. What ailurophiles lack in human friends, though, they make up in cat fur. That is today’s Bruce and Dr. Love’s Cat Fact!
It’s time for us to take a nap. As you can see, it was a very exhausting day for us.
-DL & B
[edit: We wanted to add a picture of us and our grandpaw. Here we are.]